Ramalamadingdong

Morning has broken

As you’d imagine, it’s a pretty special occasion that causes me to post. On the top deck of the park and ride bus this morning were three passengers, including myself, and one hat full of poo.

Nobody claimed ownership, but I have my suspicions.

Don't forget the postcard

You stupid, stupid tourists. Get out of my grocery store. Go find yourself a castle or something.

Cheap tricks

5 (nearly) free things to do in Cambridge.

• Walk into the center of the Lloyds TSB bank at the bottom of the high street and look up.
• Step on the grass in King’s College and get yelled at by a grumpy old man.
• Cure your irrational fear of clowns and coffee with a coffee at Clowns.
• Find the hidden park by the library and discover why nobody really cares that it’s so hidden.
• Sit on the wall outside Trinity College to watch people and play any number of fun games. “Mentally Unstable or Distinguished Academic?” and “Fat American or Just Pregnant?” are two of my favorites.

Ugly Cambridge

You’ve probably noticed all the summer construction going on in the city centre.

Over the weekend they cut down the four urban trees near the post office, in front of Pizza Hut. The sign attached to the stump (below the one that talks about Pizza Huts lunch buffet) says the trees were removed so that utility work could proceed.

When I walked by on Sunday I couldn’t understand what was different. There was just a general ugliness in the area. Well, more so than usual.

With the trees gone you see the full horror that is Bradwell’s Court. Add to that fat, shirtless construction workers and you’ve got a lot of ugliness packed into not much square footage.

Cause they're not like you, more like me.

Back at Champaign I took a cultural anthropology course in my freshman year. This did two things.

One, it made me very pompous and feel like I travelled the world in a semester, being able to know and understand all cultures from all over the globe. But that only lasted a few months. I’m not pompous anymore.

Two, it gave me this insightful story to share with you unenlightened cretins.

The professor lectured from her experiences of being Out There. Living in mud huts and trying to figure out why women in the tribe did not need Midol for their PMS. The one lecture that always stood out was the one about the women and the stone.

In this particular village, there was a woman who walked around with a stone balanced on top of her head. Why, the professor wondered, why would this woman do this? Was it conditioning to help her balance something more important, like water or vegetables? Or was she the tribe’s mystic or powerful soothsayer? She thought and thought and finally had to ask her friend why the woman walked with a stone on her head.

“Oh, her?” came the reply. “She’s crazy. That’s why she walks around with a stone on her head.”

Ready the shaking stick

The 24th Annual Cambridge Film Festival starts today. And while it ain’t Sundance, it’s not too shabby.

But alas: so many films, too little time. Or cash.

So I’ll have to give some a miss. Like tonight’s showing of Bubba Ho-tep. Hail to the king, baby. Hail to the king.

knock, knock

I don’t write much here because I’m pretty sure nobody’s reading.

I also don’t write much here because I’m pretty sure some people are reading.

The heat, the heat

I think it was only last year that I was complaining about the heat. Here we are, back in the season of annoyance that is a British summer spent indoors. It’s not so bad when you can sit outside under a tree like Newton, but not nice at all when you’re stuck in a building with no air conditioning and sweaty legs.

So, how do you beat the heat in the centre of Cambridge?

Go buy cheese. Or at least pretend that you’re buying cheese. Here’s my tip to you. Go to Sainsbury’s and hang out in the dairy aisle. Browse the selection of cheese, all three types: domestic, imported, and manufactured, and let your shorts dry out. Trust me, they need it.

Dave drives a car

Recently I’ve been trying to get my UK license, even though I’m not illegal until October. And while I’ve been driving here for a year now, I’m slightly worried about the test.

Really, there’s not much different, once you take into account the street signs, that whole righthand side thing, and the stick shift. I think I’ve overcome all those pretty well. It’s just the old habits that are really being annoying.

Maybe I’m imagining things, but I’m pretty sure I learned hand-over-hand steering in Driver’s Ed with Mr. Steingraber. And I’m sure he also taught me to steer with my palm. It seems that both of those aren’t really encouraged here.

I’m sure that steering with ones knees while eating a big mac is also not encouraged, but it doesn’t seem to stop most people.

They say the usual waiting list is 7 weeks long, so I’ve been optimistic and planned a slow phase out for all my bad habits. First would be that whole reading while driving thing. And then the whole air guitar thing. And finally I’d kick that whole shooting at other drivers thing.

But there was a cancellation and now my test is on Thursday. I hope the instructor is a good shot.

Iffy

So much to say, I won’t even mention my absence. Well, I won’t mention it even more.

We’ve bought a house. If you’re reading this and you know where we live, feel free to come and visit.

And the more I drive over here, the more I think there’s a scam going on in the States. Why do you need to change your oil every 3,000 miles? Here they recommend 7,500 miles. Is there something about British Oil that makes is super lubey?

Why is it that in the States you can’t get away from the automotive industry? Shops that sell tires, oil changes, mufflers, brakes, and spoilers the size of blue whales. Why?